August 29, 2018

Wait ‘Til They Get A Load Of Me

By In Diary

The blog is now officially back up here at House Of Ele. I started getting into that nasty habit of removing and deleting things from the past, because of being overly self-conscious. I’m definitely not the only one guilty of editing the past to make yourself seem better, but guilty nonetheless.

Honestly, the reason I connected so well with people in years past was that I was willing to be vulnerable and unedited. Except the photos, those were all touched up…BIG TIME. Just go back in this archive, you’ll see what I mean. When you weigh close to 300 pounds and you’re not too good at makeup yet, you improvise. Now I just color correct/adjust and remove a stray hair or a random pimple. 

So while my photos are more genuine, what I’ve been sharing hasn’t. Not that I’ve lied or anything, but sharing personal information is like making chess moves. Maybe it’s because people want to judge now more than they wanted to listen then? Or perhaps the world is the same, but my perspective shifted.

That is not how I want to be, selectively cultivating and molding this impression of what my life is. Now after typing that, I’m seeing other areas of my life that need to change as well. 

After getting a few messages these past weeks from people who reached out to me, I learned that my blogs I thought no one were reading, were actually being read and received. I actually helped people, I just didn’t know it. When you get an email from a mother of a transgender child, thanking you for sharing your experiences and helping them connect and be supportive of their child, it’s very humbling. That made me see the errors in scuttling the past. I’m a much different person than who I was in 2012 when I first started posting, but I think that it’s important to see. It’s all part of the grand tapestry of my life. No more deleting, it needed to be shared and it still needs to be shared.

Escape The Ordinary,
Ele Nichols

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